i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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