I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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