He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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