flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
