hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
