do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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