I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize