Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
