You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
