There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
be right there i have to get my cape
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
