There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
