I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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