8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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