I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
