I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck appropriateness.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
