Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
