Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
