im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She bit a glass in half.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
