Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dear god my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
