I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
