why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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