It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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