I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
