Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
