you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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