Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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