Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
