SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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