i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
