I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
