We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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