Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
