he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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