Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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