before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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