the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
