She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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