You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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