I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize