please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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