1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
