I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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