About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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