I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
