yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
