He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
