Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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