you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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