My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
