i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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