so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
