mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
