Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
