idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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