ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
