Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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