Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize