If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
