You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
