I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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