Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
