so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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