Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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