Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
