Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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