ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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