Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
