i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
