Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
