i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
