Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
