im drinking this country out of the recession.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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