I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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