Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
