when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
