I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
are you so shy because you have an std?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
whose parrot is this?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
