does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
