youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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