I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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