So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
handjob tips. give me some.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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