Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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